At my nephew’s first birthday party, I watched his determination when walking and realised that failure isn’t the same big deal for the very young. In fact it’s part of getting what they want and learning to do things.
Can you imagine what would happen if our babies and toddlers have up trying to walk the first time they fell over?
Or stopped trying to speak the first time that someone didn’t understand what they were saying?
Or what if they stopped trying to write the first time they scribbled a “b” instead of a “d”?
At what age do we learn to be so hard on ourselves? When do we learn to accept the critical voices in our heads? Those voices serve a purpose as we grow up. They help us stick to our moral values, to think before we speak and to integrate into society. And that’s great as long as we use them to serve ourselves well.
Having been part of the 30dayssugarfree.com programme for over a year, I have seen so many people beat themselves up for getting something wrong; for not being prepared when they went out or for temporarily forgetting their plan and having a slice of cake. When this happens the voices tell them how rubbish they’ve done, how they’ll never succeed at this or that they were never going to be strong enough to do this anyway.
If babies and toddlers talked to themselves like that, where would we be?
If you talked to your friends and family like that, how would they take it?
So stop talking to yourself like that.
Next time you make a mistake, hold it in front of you, take a good look at it, turn it round so you see all sides and ask yourself three questions:
What happened? What did you do? In what circumstances?
What does that mean? What were the consequences? What effects are there if you repeat the “mistake”? What effects are there if you go back to following your sugar free commitments?
What are you going to do now? How are you going to make sure you do that? Will sharing this with the facebook group or some other support team you have help? How will you know you are succeeding?
Ok that was more than three questions. You only need to remember the main three though.
The other other thing to remember:
A mistake is only a mistake if you don’t learn from it.
If in doubt, channel your inner toddler. “You’ve got this.”
This post was written by Louise Ebrey
Louise joined 30dayssugarfree.com on 4th March 2014 has successfully managed to deal with her undiagnosable joint pain by giving up sugar. Her sugar free journey started in Macau SAR, China and she’s currently based in the UK.
When she’s not coaching as part of the mindset strand of this programme, her focuses on bringing clarity and engagement to projects and teams, often in construction, the public sector and housing. You can find her at louiseebrey.com.At my nephew’s first birthday party, I watched his determination when walking and realised that failure isn’t the same big deal for the very young. In fact it’s part of getting what they want and learning to do things.